I don't usually do things like this. I decided several years ago that arguing on the internet is a waste of time and breath, but after a discussion in a class about a blog post that was circulating and then seeing it show up in my own newsfeed and reading it for myself, I just can't say nothing. You can read the original post by a young mom here. In the original post, this particular mom writes about how frustrated she is with what she calls "modern parents." She makes some good points about raising independent children who can solve problems and entertain themselves, which I agree are valuable things. However, there are two main points that I take real issue with. Bullying. And violence.
First, bullying. The writer posts about how in her day, bullying was shoving kids against a locker and taking their lunch money. She expressed how she feels like victims of bullying are given too much attention and empathy. That their feelings are too validated. That we need kids that can take it. I feel that this author may have a misunderstanding of modern bullying. She is right. Bullying has changed a lot since the days of shoving, punching, and teasing that we all remember from out youths. When I was young, if someone was being mean to me at school, I could escape that when I went home. I could avoid the bully at school and get some reprieve. Now, bullying is following kids in every aspect of their lives. We have to remember that we did not grow up with social media. For anyone in their late twenties/early thirties and older, we did not have access to social media until college or maybe later. Back in the day when you needed a .edu email address to get on the illustrious Facebook. Now, kids are fully engaged in social media interactions with each other all the time. Sometimes, they can even post anonymously to someone else. This is modern bullying. Slamming a classmate on every social media site they engage in, constantly. Often, they are saying things to each other on the internet that they would never say to someone's face. The internet has dehumanized bullying where kids are detached from the concept of the things they say actually be toward another person. And the bully is not just one or two mean kids. The bully is a mob of kids that jump on a bandwagon to anonymously blast someone with hateful things. Bullying has changed a lot over the last ten years.
I feel that modern bullying requires modern parenting. My husband and I often sit and think about what it means to raise children in the age of technology and social media. We talk about how we can monitor our children's activity online without being overbearing or unfair. We talk about when we feel it is appropriate for our children to engage in social media. We try to stay up to date about what the popular sites are so we know where I kids are going to want to go. I feel like we also need to create an environment that promotes openness and communication. I want my kids to feel safe coming to me if they are being bullied. Not so I can get the bully, but so I can support my child. Bullying hurts and telling the victim of bullying to suck it up is just wrong. What we need to be doing as modern parents is to raise kids that are empathetic and responsible. We need our children to understand that what they say online matters, it can hurt people, even if it is anonymous. We also need to raise kids who will not be bystanders. We need our children to stand up to bullying and point it out when they see it. Bullying is an epidemic. Only us "modern parents" can stop it. We have to.
The other point she makes in her blog that I have a hard time with is her idea that rules against bringing toy weapons to school are somehow stifling her boys' ability to be boys. I get it. I worked in a preschool. I have been around plenty of little boys and they do seem to be able to make a gun out of everything, but I feel strongly about encouraging them to find other ways to play. Boys are not born thinking that they need to play guns. Boys learn to play guns by watching their peers play guns or seeing violence on television. As the mother of a little boy, I am sure that he will play guns, because he will see other boys playing guns. I intend to enforce rules like "we never pretend to shoot people." Why not use that tendency to teach basic gun safety rules like never pointing a gun at a person, even if you are not shooting it? I will not buy my child toy guns because guns are not toys. Guns are to be taken seriously and treated with respect. My son can practice shooting his finger at targets instead of people. We see stories on the news every day about gun violence and accidents that happen when children get ahold of real guns and treat them like toy guns. Perhaps if some "modern parents" can raise children that respect guns, we can help decrease some of the accidents that show up in the news every year. Not a guarantee, just a thought.
I know that the original post was written with good intentions. Everyone parents in a way that is a good fit for their family and their values. I just couldn't let it be the only word. Modern issues call for modern parenting. It isn't about entitlement or raising kids that can't be capable adults. It's about preparing kids for the world that they live in and the truth is, that is a very different world than we lived in, so we have to adjust.
November 6, 2013
September 18, 2013
We Made It! A Year in Review
Well, we survived. Our little man just turned one and we (and he) lived to tell the tale. I really feel like the first year is all about survival. This year I learned how to survive on less sleep than I have ever thought possible, how to change the diaper of the wiggliest boy on the planet (you may say yours is wigglier, but I beg to differ. I learned how to survive sticking my hands in the toilet to clean out countless diapers and how to clean up the biggest puddles of spit-up I have ever seen. We survived car trips with a crying child in the back seat and "we forgot the binky" meltdowns. Don't get me wrong, this year has been so much fun! My husband and I often sit and wonder what we did all the time before we had Caedmon. But as we move into toddlerhood, which I am sure will be a whole new kind of survival, I feel the need to reflect on the past year, especially the things I think we did right and the things I think we could have done better. Everyone wants to know how to be the perfect parent these days, I was not the exception, and I was so far from it, but there are the things I would do the same next time and things I would try to do differently.
First, the things I think we did right. I have learned that there is no universal right or wrong in parenting. Every family is different and parents have to parent in a way that makes sense for their family. Our family is busy! I think that many of our parenting choices reflect that. It also depends on what you value as far as characteristics for children. We tend to place a lot of emphasis on independence in our family. Anyway, the number 1 best thing I think we did was always have Caedmon sleep in his own bed in his own room. We really wanted him to be able to fall asleep on his own in his own space. I am also glad we did this because we learned pretty quickly that he did not like transitions, so eliminating the need to transition him to his own bed was nice. The other thing I think we did right was include Caedmon is as much life as possible. Yes, it would have been easier to take that trip or go to that event without a baby in tow, but doing things together as a family was so much fun. I hope that we can continue to provide him with all sorts of experiences and adventures, because what is life without a little adventure, right?
Now, here are some of the things I learned:
1) Knowledge is not always power.
Since I am studying School Psychology, I know a lot about typical child development. I really feel like this was more often a curse rather than a blessing. Every time he didn't meet a milestone exactly on time or at the same rate of his peers, I began analyzing what was holding him back and fretting that he was falling behind. At different points during the year, I was sure that he was never going to sleep through the night, roll over, eat table food, speak consonants, and probably several other things that were so silly that I can't even remember them. What I have learned is really a reinforcement of how averages really are averages with some earlier and some later. I also learned that my child tends to go from 0 to 90 when it comes to skills and most likely will begin a new skill and master it within a short time when he makes up his mind to do it.
2) Keeping calm is often hard, but often best.
Earlier I wrote a post about the parent I want to be and painted a picture of the cool and collected parents that I admire and aspire to be like. I have reverted many times over the past year, but I feel like I am starting to make some progress. Both my husband and I have watched our son escalate as we do and we both lose it sometimes. It always goes more smoothly if we stay calm, even though that is never the easy thing to do. Always.
3) Nothing is easy.
There are many people who tend to classify babies as either "easy" or "hard/difficult." I have been one of those people and prayed with all my might while I was pregnant that I would get an easy one. I defined an easy baby as one that slept through the night by 8 weeks, didn't cry unless they were hungry, wet, or tired, and met every developmental milestone on time. Well, my baby didn't sleep through the night until he was 10 months and that wasn't even what first comes to mind when I think of why I would say he was difficult. Saying nothing is easy is ironic for me because we used the Baby Whisperer book as a guide for getting him on a schedule and she describes the parts of the routine using the acronym EASY (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You-time). As a rough guide, it worked pretty well for us. We accomplished my main goals of not getting him in the habit of eating to fall asleep and keeping him from mixing up days and nights. But, some things just did not work for us, which turns out, was fine. We have had many struggles with Caedmon, as I am sure now that all parents have. I figured out that there are always hard things and easy things about every baby. I also learned that people should not assume that a baby that is usually happy is not always an easy baby to parent. There are other hard things than grumpiness.
Overall, it has been a great year and I look forward to what this next year will bring. Watching a child grow and learn has been so much fun. It felt like a crazy whirlwind, but I never wanted to get off.
August 9, 2013
Sweet Little Baby Knitting
Finally, a post about knitting. I say finally because I have not had much time to knit lately, but I love it and am so glad I was able to finish up a project to write about. Some dear friends of ours just had a beautiful baby girl. They wanted to do newborn photos and asked if I would make a matching diaper cover and hat ensemble for the event.
I found two great patterns on ravelry.com. Pretty much the bees knees when it comes to knitting patterns. They also have crochet and loom knitting patterns. All it requires is an email address and you are ready to go!
Here is what I made:
The patterns were pretty straight forward. The pattern for the diaper cover can be found here. I made this in the size suggested for newborn babies and it was still kind of big. I would size it down by one or two multiples of 8 (8 or 16 stitches) if I were to make it for a newborn again. I would also probably decrease all the lengths by 1/2 and inch for proportion. I say this with a disclaimer; I tend to always need to size down patterns. I don't know if I knit loosely or tend to stretch the yarn a lot or what, but everything I make seems to come out bigger than it should. I also decided that I wanted the diaper cover part to be a different color from the main skirt part. Changing colors was simple and I simply just switched when the pattern called for separating the stitches for the skirt out. My last word to the wise on the skirt/diaper cover, use circular needles. I tend to choose double points for circulars for knitting small things because I hate having to deal with a long cord. That does not work for this pattern because when you separate out the stitches to make the little diaper cover, you essentially end up with 8 live needles when you are using double points. That is crazy and results in a lot of dropped stitches (and for me, the need to start over). Circulars are the best bet for this pattern for sure.
The hat pattern can be found here. There are several things that I love about this hat. First is that it is adorable and knitted up to be a good shape for a little baby head. I also love that it uses a button because I love buttons and you can find so many cool ones. The flower slips over the button; therefore, there is potential to make multiple flowers in different colors and it will go with anything. The last thing I love is that the pattern goes all the way up to adult so I may be making her mommy a matching hat for winter. How cute is that?
Of course you want to see it on the sweet baby, so here she is:
I love knitting for babies because their stuff is always so cute. Plus baby things are small so it keeps projects quick and manageable. Nothing is sweeter than a sweet baby wearing something I made.
I found two great patterns on ravelry.com. Pretty much the bees knees when it comes to knitting patterns. They also have crochet and loom knitting patterns. All it requires is an email address and you are ready to go!
Here is what I made:
The patterns were pretty straight forward. The pattern for the diaper cover can be found here. I made this in the size suggested for newborn babies and it was still kind of big. I would size it down by one or two multiples of 8 (8 or 16 stitches) if I were to make it for a newborn again. I would also probably decrease all the lengths by 1/2 and inch for proportion. I say this with a disclaimer; I tend to always need to size down patterns. I don't know if I knit loosely or tend to stretch the yarn a lot or what, but everything I make seems to come out bigger than it should. I also decided that I wanted the diaper cover part to be a different color from the main skirt part. Changing colors was simple and I simply just switched when the pattern called for separating the stitches for the skirt out. My last word to the wise on the skirt/diaper cover, use circular needles. I tend to choose double points for circulars for knitting small things because I hate having to deal with a long cord. That does not work for this pattern because when you separate out the stitches to make the little diaper cover, you essentially end up with 8 live needles when you are using double points. That is crazy and results in a lot of dropped stitches (and for me, the need to start over). Circulars are the best bet for this pattern for sure.
The hat pattern can be found here. There are several things that I love about this hat. First is that it is adorable and knitted up to be a good shape for a little baby head. I also love that it uses a button because I love buttons and you can find so many cool ones. The flower slips over the button; therefore, there is potential to make multiple flowers in different colors and it will go with anything. The last thing I love is that the pattern goes all the way up to adult so I may be making her mommy a matching hat for winter. How cute is that?
Of course you want to see it on the sweet baby, so here she is:
I love knitting for babies because their stuff is always so cute. Plus baby things are small so it keeps projects quick and manageable. Nothing is sweeter than a sweet baby wearing something I made.
August 5, 2013
Breast or Bottle - Some Myths Investigated
First, a few disclaimers, since I have found in my research that any blog/article that says anything other than "all babies should be breastfed as long as possible" is met with quite a bit of criticism. I am not anti-breastfeeding. I think if it is working well and is right for your family, do it. There is literally no research saying that breastfeeding is bad, and I don't think it is bad either. Also, know that I was unable to breastfeed, hence why I started researching the truth behind breastfeeding research. My kiddo is happy, smart, and healthy and has always been fed formula.
Now, I feel like in today's world there is such a large push for breastfeeding that it leaves mothers who are unable or choose not to breastfeed with intense guilt that they are not doing what is best for their baby. Even some hospitals are creating policy's where women are not given the choice to feed their infants formula. So, I wanted to look into some of the things I read and heard while pregnant about breastfeeding superiority and determine how much truth there was to the ideals.
Myth number 1: ALL women can breastfeed.
Many books and classes tend to lead you to believe that with enough practice or the perfect lactation consultant, that all women can breastfeed. There is a general consensus among researchers that approximately 5% of women are physiologically unable to breastfeed. Some of those women do not produce enough milk (10% in one study needed help producing, and with help 5% were still unsuccessful). Some of those women have breasts that are not well designed for breastfeeding or infants whose mouth size or shape inhibits proper latch. Bottom line, not everyone can breastfeed and if you can't, it is so much harder to be told that you can with enough work.
Myth number 2: Breastfeeding makes for smarter kids.
This is a myth not because it isn't true, but because it is exaggerated. It seemed like everything I read talked about the vast cognitive gains of breastfed babies. Being in the business of caring about cognition, it grabbed me. Who doesn't want a smarter kid? Here the real stats that I gathered from several studies including two meta-analyses (studies that compare studies). In many (and I mean many) studies, the statistics are not controlled for other factors that we know increase academic/cognitive outcomes. Families that breastfeed also tend to have above average income, two parents, and higher parental education. Mothers who breastfeed are usually older and are less likely to smoke or ingest any other dangerous substance during pregnancy. Babies who are breastfed are often higher in birth weight and frequently first children are breastfed longer. All of these factors alone have also accounted for academic gains. Studies that don't control for these factors report gains of 5.32 point which is the equivalent of having a 100 vs 105 IQ. Both are average and differences would not be noticeable without testing. When you control for these factors, the gains drop to 3.16 points (100 vs 103). An even smaller difference. While there are gains that are technically statistically significant, they are just not significant in practice. If I put a child with a 100 and a 103 IQ in a room and asked them to solve a puzzle, there would not be a difference in the speed or accuracy they solved it. That difference is within the margin of error on most IQ tests, meaning that if I tested the same child twice, I could get a 100 one time and a 103 the next time. There is a difference, but it is not as grand as I was led to believe.
While there are myths, there are also truths. First, breastfeeding is cheaper. After formula feeding for almost a year now, there is no doubt in my mind that breastfeeding is cheaper, even after considering the cost of a pump and storage supplies. Man, formula is expensive. There is also significant proof that breastfeeding decreases gastrointestinal infection rates; however, my formula fed kiddo has never had any major GI issues. The bottom line for me it that breastfeeding is a choice. Like many choices parents make (diapers, toys, sleeping arrangements) it is a personal one. Formula is a valid choice and you are not doing your baby a great mis-service by making it. Do I think we need to be okay with women breastfeeding in public? Yes. Do I think that we need to provide support to women who want to breastfeed in the hospital through lactation consultants? Yes. But do I think you are not a good mother or not trying hard enough if you can't or choose not to breastfeed? No. You have to decide what is best for you, your baby, and your family.
There is another great article about this kind of thing here.
Also, here links to a couple of the studies I mentioned: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/101/1/e9.short
http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/70/4/525.short
Now, I feel like in today's world there is such a large push for breastfeeding that it leaves mothers who are unable or choose not to breastfeed with intense guilt that they are not doing what is best for their baby. Even some hospitals are creating policy's where women are not given the choice to feed their infants formula. So, I wanted to look into some of the things I read and heard while pregnant about breastfeeding superiority and determine how much truth there was to the ideals.
Myth number 1: ALL women can breastfeed.
Many books and classes tend to lead you to believe that with enough practice or the perfect lactation consultant, that all women can breastfeed. There is a general consensus among researchers that approximately 5% of women are physiologically unable to breastfeed. Some of those women do not produce enough milk (10% in one study needed help producing, and with help 5% were still unsuccessful). Some of those women have breasts that are not well designed for breastfeeding or infants whose mouth size or shape inhibits proper latch. Bottom line, not everyone can breastfeed and if you can't, it is so much harder to be told that you can with enough work.
Myth number 2: Breastfeeding makes for smarter kids.
This is a myth not because it isn't true, but because it is exaggerated. It seemed like everything I read talked about the vast cognitive gains of breastfed babies. Being in the business of caring about cognition, it grabbed me. Who doesn't want a smarter kid? Here the real stats that I gathered from several studies including two meta-analyses (studies that compare studies). In many (and I mean many) studies, the statistics are not controlled for other factors that we know increase academic/cognitive outcomes. Families that breastfeed also tend to have above average income, two parents, and higher parental education. Mothers who breastfeed are usually older and are less likely to smoke or ingest any other dangerous substance during pregnancy. Babies who are breastfed are often higher in birth weight and frequently first children are breastfed longer. All of these factors alone have also accounted for academic gains. Studies that don't control for these factors report gains of 5.32 point which is the equivalent of having a 100 vs 105 IQ. Both are average and differences would not be noticeable without testing. When you control for these factors, the gains drop to 3.16 points (100 vs 103). An even smaller difference. While there are gains that are technically statistically significant, they are just not significant in practice. If I put a child with a 100 and a 103 IQ in a room and asked them to solve a puzzle, there would not be a difference in the speed or accuracy they solved it. That difference is within the margin of error on most IQ tests, meaning that if I tested the same child twice, I could get a 100 one time and a 103 the next time. There is a difference, but it is not as grand as I was led to believe.
While there are myths, there are also truths. First, breastfeeding is cheaper. After formula feeding for almost a year now, there is no doubt in my mind that breastfeeding is cheaper, even after considering the cost of a pump and storage supplies. Man, formula is expensive. There is also significant proof that breastfeeding decreases gastrointestinal infection rates; however, my formula fed kiddo has never had any major GI issues. The bottom line for me it that breastfeeding is a choice. Like many choices parents make (diapers, toys, sleeping arrangements) it is a personal one. Formula is a valid choice and you are not doing your baby a great mis-service by making it. Do I think we need to be okay with women breastfeeding in public? Yes. Do I think that we need to provide support to women who want to breastfeed in the hospital through lactation consultants? Yes. But do I think you are not a good mother or not trying hard enough if you can't or choose not to breastfeed? No. You have to decide what is best for you, your baby, and your family.
There is another great article about this kind of thing here.
Also, here links to a couple of the studies I mentioned: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/101/1/e9.short
http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/70/4/525.short
July 12, 2013
Traveling with a VERY Busy Boy
Okay- So, I may not be an expert, but after flying/hotel staying with Caedmon twice before the age of one, I would say I have gained some insight into traveling with an infant. The first time we fly, he was 7 months old. He was not mobile yet, but full of energy. The second time, he was almost 10 months old, fully mobile, busy, and loud. Here are some tips with some fun anecdotes from our travels mixed in.
1. Make flying sound like something fun. A lot of kids get scared on planes, little and big alike. We told Caedmon how exciting flying was and how much fun it would be. We tried to explain everything from going through security to finding our seat. I know it seems silly to think that a baby needs this, but they understand more than most people think and take cues from their parents how to react to new things. If we were excited, he was more likely to be excited.
1. Make flying sound like something fun. A lot of kids get scared on planes, little and big alike. We told Caedmon how exciting flying was and how much fun it would be. We tried to explain everything from going through security to finding our seat. I know it seems silly to think that a baby needs this, but they understand more than most people think and take cues from their parents how to react to new things. If we were excited, he was more likely to be excited.
2. Hope for sleep, but be prepared for play. On our first flight, as soon as the engines clicked on, he was out. It was amazing. However, when we fly again when he was older, we could forget about sleep. We spent the first 15 minutes of each flight with him crawling from one lap to the other. We let him work out some energy, then we encouraged him to calm down and play with something. I had a backpack full of his favorite (quiet) toys. We also found that empty cups from the flight attendant made great toys! Skymall was the victim of crumpling and tearing, but who needs a cat toilet training set anyway!
3. Logistics! TSA issues: Some airlines (I think it supposed to be all, but Southwest asked and Delta did not) require you to provide proof of age for lap children. This could be either a copy of a birth certificate or a shot record. Also, you are allowed to bring any liquids you need for your child for the entire time you are traveling. This includes, formula/breast milk, jar food, juice, diaper cream, and anything else that your child needs to be comfortable for the flight. You may be asked to take it all out for inspection, so don't stash is somewhere where it will be hard to get it out. Also, two lap children cannot sit in the same row on an airplane so if you see another baby and think, "hey, maybe they will play together," you cannot sit in that row.
4. Swallow your pride. When you walk on a plane with a baby, people look at you like you have the plague. Just do your best to keep your baby quiet, but remember that he or she is a baby and you bought your tickets just like everyone else. I was also quite surprised at the number of people who said, "I have been there." A lot of people understand so don't let the few who don't bring you down.
5. Always check with hotels about whether or not they have cribs. We quickly found when we started calling that not all do. We did not want to bring along a pack-n-play so we wanted a hotel with a crib. You can also reserve one so you know they won't be out when you arrive.
6. Pack smart. There is a fine line between over packing and under packing when it comes to babies. For the first trip, we over packed. Our kiddo is a notorious spit-up kid and he was getting over a cold, increasing the chances of spit-up. We packed way too many clothes. For the second trip, I feel like we slightly under packed. I was expecting a cooler climate than we went into and I did not pack enough light clothes and I felt like we were grasping at straws by the end (taking him back to the reception after the 3rd wardrobe change in a jammie shirt and diaper). Know your kid and pack according to about how much clothes you go through at home plus a couple extra. Pack for all possible weather conditions, but pack layers to each piece can serve multiple functions.
7. Try your best to keep the schedule you baby is used to. Sometimes this just can't happen when you are away, but I feel like we avoid many melt-downs if we try to keep things as normal as possible for him.
8. Last one: Buy some stuff there. We did not do this the first time but did the second time and it was great! Pretty much everywhere has a Babies R Us or Walmart so pack what you need for the plane and buy the rest there. It makes everyone's luggage lighter and you don't have to worry about baby food jars getting broken when you check them.
Happy travels! Remember, have fun!
May 31, 2013
Baby Stuff: My Top 5 and Bottom 5
I have seen countless versions of these lists all over Pinterest and the interweb. Some I agree with and some I do not. After all, every baby is different and every family is different, so we all have different needs. That being said, I felt compelled to share what have been the top 5 and bottom 5 items that we bought pre-baby. Since all families are different, here is the basics of ours:
5. The number 5 item on my list is a tub-side seat for parents.
Kneeling on tile hurts. That is all. We have a padded kneeling pad as well which you can see in the corner and that I use when I am washing and need to lean over pretty far, but for playtime, the seat is the best! It also serves as my seat for rinsing out cloth diapers in the toilet. Toilets are low to the ground relatively. A fact I quickly realized as I washed out 5 diapers in a row from a day at daycare or an outing. This seat has saved my back, knees, and sanity many times as I clean yet another poopy diaper or as I watch my kiddo play and splash joyfully in the tub.
4. Number 4 goes to items that facilitate independent play at different stages.
As I said, my kiddo has always enjoyed playing by himself. Even as a little bitty guy, he craved alone time (his Daddy's boy). Having toys that fostered that need and accommodated him at different stages of development were very important. The first is an activity mat. We could hang toys from it and switch them out to keep it interesting. He would lay on it and play with those toys for up to a half hour to 45 minutes. Yes, I had a 6 week old that would play by himself for 45 minutes. For those with kiddos that would not allow being put down, this next phrase will sound crazy, but we all want balance right? Sometimes, I wish I had a cuddlier baby. He just isn't the type to sit on my lap and snuggle up. He want to explore his environment on his own, but he checks in every now and then to make sure I am still here.
The second picture is a jumper. We opted for the jumper over the saucer because they just look like more fun. The box said 4 months and up. We started using it at 3 months and just stuffed blankets behind him to keep him from falling over. He just wanted to be up so bad. He has loved this jumper since then. He is 8 and a half months now and can still use it (longevity) but does not want to be in it as long now that he can crawl. He doesn't want to be trapped.
The last item is an activity table. He played with it on the floor for the longest time, but now that he is a pulling up pro, he stands at it and plays all of the songs, scratches like a DJ, and pounds the drum with any toy he can find. This is his current favorite independent play item for sure!
3. Okay, I know that last one was kind of cheating since it was a 3 in 1, but they are all related. Number 3 is our water kettle.
So this is one of those items that my breast feeding friends would not need, but it was key for us. It is a kettle that plugs in and keeps water at a perfect 98 degrees for bottle making. We never have to wait for a bottle to warm up or try to get tap water to a good temperature. Also, when he was still night feeding we would take it up stairs and plug it in so that we would not have to go downstairs to make a bottle in the middle of the night. We use it to fill a thermos that we put in the diaper bag when we go out so we have warm water on the go. I also use it to make oatmeal for his breakfast. This is purely a convenience item, but sure has it been great! Totally worth losing the bit of counter space that it takes up.
2. The number 2 item on my list is our swing.
I can hear you already..."My kid HATED the swing!" Mine did not. He loves to swing. We have not been using it lately because he does not want to be confined, but we have used the heck out of this thing. When he was itty bitty and would not nap, the swing would save us. He also loved watching the mobile and would sometimes just hang out and watch the little birdies go around and around. Sometimes he just needed a low stimulation break and the swing would help him calm down. Sometimes he hung out in there so I could go to the bathroom. The one we picked could lay down or sit up and swing side to side or back and forth. The versatility was nice, not going to lie. It also plugged in so we did not have to go through countless batteries. It was great and I do not know what we would have done without it sometimes.
1. And the number one thing in our house is the crib hanging music/white noise machine thing...(I don't know what to call it)
This thing can light up and play music or be dark and play ocean sounds or any combination thereof. My kid loves watching the fish swim and hearing the music and he has fallen asleep to the ocean sound since day 1. I am a big believer in white noise of some kind. It has been essential in our short life with a baby (and helped my 7 month old fall asleep instantly on airplanes). This little box has been our snooze button (when he wakes up at 6 and I just need a few more minutes to get myself into mommy mode), it has been our middle of the night go back to sleep machine, our entertainment while I go downstairs to make a bottle after bath, our distraction while I cut toenails or put on jammies. I am glad we use rechargeable batteries or I would feel very guilty about the amount of batteries gone through for this little guy. It is the single best purchase we made (or someone made on our behalf from our registry, rather).
Now for my bottom 5.
5. A TON of crib sheets and hooded towels and blankets. I did not take a picture because we all know what these things are. They are the things that everyone tells you that you can't have too many of. I am here to tell you, you can. Babies make a lot of laundry. Cloth diapering gives that laundry a since of urgency (so you don't run out of clean diapers). I do laundry at least every other day. That means that I can have 3 of any one thing and always have one clean. When Caedmon was little bitty and stayed in one spot in his bed and sometime spit up at night or during nap (or always in our case) we used the sheet saver pads so we didn't have to change his sheet 15 times a day. I rotate through 2 or 3 crib sheets and probably have 7 or 8. Same goes for hooded towels. I rotate through 3, don't wash them after every bath (after all, do we wash out towels after every use?). I have probably 8 hooded towels, most of which have never been used. We were not the kind of parents that wrapped receiving blankets around our baby (we used Velcro swaddle blankets which barely missed the top 5 list. Amazing things. Seriously). So I did not use many of the blankets we were given. I had a couple favorites that I used in the carseat and now at night, but there are several light weight receiving blankets that never saw the light of day from the bottom of the blanket bin.
4. Number 4 is the Bumbo.
I was convinced that I HAD to have this before Caedmon was born because we used them at the daycare I had worked at and they were great. Little did I know how much my kid would hate being put in it. His desire to play upright before he could sit independently was outweighed by some strong aversion to the Bumbo seat. He started sitting alone at 5 months and was perfectly happy risking the occasional topple rather than be in the seat. He just was not a fan.
3. Coming in 3rd is the bouncy seat.
We just did not use this very much. The only time it saw much use was when Caedmon was small and I could put him in it to grab a shower. He quickly grew bored of it and never really appeared to be super comfy in it. He would prefer to just lay on the floor with his activity mat toys. It now serves as the "toybox" for Mom and Dad's room. Not it's intended purpose.
2. Pre-baby purchased pacifiers are number 2.
Don't get me wrong, my baby is a binky loving baby; however, he did not love the pacifiers I picked for him before he arrived. I picked the ones that were the same brand as our bottles and were supposed to be good for mouth development and a couple cute ones. Little did I know that the only pacifier my kid would take would be the plain jane green soothies that they hand out at the hospital. This is one of those things I would not recommend stocking up on until you get to know your kiddo. Maybe but one or two of a couple different brands to try and go from there.
1. And the number 1 (both in least of amount of use and most money spent) is breast feeding supplies.
- We cloth diaper. We use g diapers and LOVE them! Cloth diapering means that I do not throw away diapers (duh!) and I do a LOT of laundry.
- We were unable to breast feed. We tried and just could not get the hang of it. I decided the emotional toll of feeling like I was starving my baby outweighed the possible benefits if we could have gotten the hang of it and switched to formula by the time we had been home for 2 weeks.
- We are VERY busy people and on the go a lot of the time. Convenience rules in this house.
- My child has always had a need to have "alone" independent time during the day where he can play alone without being held or cooed at.
5. The number 5 item on my list is a tub-side seat for parents.
4. Number 4 goes to items that facilitate independent play at different stages.
The second picture is a jumper. We opted for the jumper over the saucer because they just look like more fun. The box said 4 months and up. We started using it at 3 months and just stuffed blankets behind him to keep him from falling over. He just wanted to be up so bad. He has loved this jumper since then. He is 8 and a half months now and can still use it (longevity) but does not want to be in it as long now that he can crawl. He doesn't want to be trapped.
The last item is an activity table. He played with it on the floor for the longest time, but now that he is a pulling up pro, he stands at it and plays all of the songs, scratches like a DJ, and pounds the drum with any toy he can find. This is his current favorite independent play item for sure!
3. Okay, I know that last one was kind of cheating since it was a 3 in 1, but they are all related. Number 3 is our water kettle.
2. The number 2 item on my list is our swing.
1. And the number one thing in our house is the crib hanging music/white noise machine thing...(I don't know what to call it)
Now for my bottom 5.
5. A TON of crib sheets and hooded towels and blankets. I did not take a picture because we all know what these things are. They are the things that everyone tells you that you can't have too many of. I am here to tell you, you can. Babies make a lot of laundry. Cloth diapering gives that laundry a since of urgency (so you don't run out of clean diapers). I do laundry at least every other day. That means that I can have 3 of any one thing and always have one clean. When Caedmon was little bitty and stayed in one spot in his bed and sometime spit up at night or during nap (or always in our case) we used the sheet saver pads so we didn't have to change his sheet 15 times a day. I rotate through 2 or 3 crib sheets and probably have 7 or 8. Same goes for hooded towels. I rotate through 3, don't wash them after every bath (after all, do we wash out towels after every use?). I have probably 8 hooded towels, most of which have never been used. We were not the kind of parents that wrapped receiving blankets around our baby (we used Velcro swaddle blankets which barely missed the top 5 list. Amazing things. Seriously). So I did not use many of the blankets we were given. I had a couple favorites that I used in the carseat and now at night, but there are several light weight receiving blankets that never saw the light of day from the bottom of the blanket bin.
4. Number 4 is the Bumbo.
I was convinced that I HAD to have this before Caedmon was born because we used them at the daycare I had worked at and they were great. Little did I know how much my kid would hate being put in it. His desire to play upright before he could sit independently was outweighed by some strong aversion to the Bumbo seat. He started sitting alone at 5 months and was perfectly happy risking the occasional topple rather than be in the seat. He just was not a fan.
3. Coming in 3rd is the bouncy seat.
2. Pre-baby purchased pacifiers are number 2.
1. And the number 1 (both in least of amount of use and most money spent) is breast feeding supplies.
Now, let me say, if I had been able to breast feed, I would have needed these things; however, I wish I had waited to purchase them until I was certain that breast feeding was going to work. No one needs these things the day the baby is born. The hospital can provide samples of lanoline and breast pads. The pump and cover could have waited. All of these things ended up in a box untouched (or mostly untouched). Again, I am not trying to be a pessimist, but the reality is that breast feeding does not work for everyone, despite what people say these days. If you are breast feeding well, send that good husband to the local baby store to get the need supplies. It can wait. Mine sit in my closet reminding me that I had to give up.
That's it folks. My list. Every family is different, but this is what proved important and unimportant for us. Comment with what is important or unimportant for you. I am also sure that some of things will change for us when we decide to have another baby, because they are all different.
April 4, 2013
Natural Childbirth: Choosing a Midwife and being Pregnant
So, I said I would do weekly installments, and it has been...let's just say more than a week since my last post. Sorry about that. My last post was about why I chose and became passionate about natural childbirth. This week, I want to share the actual process I went through to achieve that goal.
I feel really lucky to live in Lexington, KY. It was almost too easy here to find a midwife as opposed to the traditional OB-GYN. My husband and I had tossed around the idea of a home birth, but given that this was our first pregnancy and we did not really know what to expect, we were more comfortable going to the hospital. There is a fabulous group of midwives that operate through Lexington Women's Health. Fun fact: Missy (the one with the long dark hair) had delivered Caedmon less than 12 hours before that picture was taken! I chose Alisha Morgan because she was recommended by a friend. We clicked right away and I saw no need to continue "shopping." Alisha is also passionate about natural childbirth. All of them are. I knew that she would do everything in her power to help me meet my goal. This group of midwives practice through Central Baptist Hospital, which I had also heard gleaming reviews of, including the excellent food! Alisha and I talked about natural birth from the beginning. It was important to me for her to know what I really wanted up front.
Things that I appreciated about seeing a midwife over an OB-GYN:
Disclaimer: I don't know or believe that all of these things are unique to midwives. I am sure there are some OB-GYNs that also operate in this way. No offense is intended, nor do I claim to "know it all." This is simply my observations through comparing my experience to those of some friends that have chosen OB-GYNs for prenatal care.
1: Not an excessive amount of ultra-sounds.
I have seen that many OBs tend to do ultra-sounds at almost, if not every visit. There is research suggesting that ultra-sound my not be as safe as we all think it is. There is an interesting article in Midwifery Today discussing some of the research. Being a researcher myself, I am always skeptical of research. It is important to remember that and actual causal relationship has not been established. There is some correlation though in the amount of Autism in a population and the amount of ultra-sound used. I had an ultra-sound at 8 weeks at my first appointment, 20 weeks to find out gender, and then when Alisha suspected that Caedmon was breech (I'll discuss that later). At that point, there were concerns about my fluid level, so I had a couple more to monitor that. Total, I maybe had 6 ultra-sounds. The only reason I even had that many was to monitor a possible issue.
2: Face-time
My mid-wife chatted with me a lot during our visits. We would even talk about random things like Words with Friends or television shows. We built a relationship to the point where I would even consider her a friend. Building that kind of rapport and trust is completely invaluable to me and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
3: Not panicking unless there was a good reason.
So, like I said in the paragraph about ultra-sounds, we discovered that Caedmon was breech, the day before I turned 39 weeks. He had been head down all along, and flipped. Instead of scheduling a C-Section, Alisha gave me options. One of which was to attempt to turn him. An OB-GYN in the practice was able to turn him and he stayed that way. Also, when we did the ultra-sound to confirm that he was breech, we discovered that my amniotic fluid was lower than they would like. I know more than one person who was induced for that very reason. Alisha gave me time. She told me to rest and drink water, a lot of water. My fluid came up naturally. I also went post-date...by 10 days. Alisha let me put off induction as long as humanly possible and I went into labor naturally just under the deadline. All of those factors could have been a recipe for a C-Section or Induction if I had been with someone else. I was grateful for options and for the fact that I didn't have to fight for them.
Other things I did while pregnant to help toward my goal of a natural birth included researching everything related to natural childbirth. I took the natural childbirth class offered by the hospital, learned about hypnobirthing, and gathered/burrowed things like I birth ball and essential oils for relaxation from friends. I also read the most amazing book by the most amazing midwife, Ina May Gaskin. You can see it on Amazon. In it was a quote that got me through even the most frustrating times. "You are not a machine. Your body is not a lemon. The creator is not a careless mechanic." So often, women's bodies are blamed for interventions in the birthing process, but most women are built to have babies. The C-Section rate in this country is currently 1 in 3. In Ina May's practice out of 2,844 births, they have needed 50 C-Sections. That's 1.7%! Those 2,844 births also include twins and breech births. See more of their amazing statistics here. I spent my whole pregnancy with the mind-set that I was not a lemon and that I was completely and totally capable of delivering my baby naturally. That mind-set helped me to be determined and to overcome whatever hiccups I faced.
My next post (hopefully next week) will be about my actual birth. Don't worry, I won't be gross. I just want to tell it like it was. It was hard and beautiful and perfect. Also, I have a poll about the name of my blog on the the right. Please vote!
I feel really lucky to live in Lexington, KY. It was almost too easy here to find a midwife as opposed to the traditional OB-GYN. My husband and I had tossed around the idea of a home birth, but given that this was our first pregnancy and we did not really know what to expect, we were more comfortable going to the hospital. There is a fabulous group of midwives that operate through Lexington Women's Health. Fun fact: Missy (the one with the long dark hair) had delivered Caedmon less than 12 hours before that picture was taken! I chose Alisha Morgan because she was recommended by a friend. We clicked right away and I saw no need to continue "shopping." Alisha is also passionate about natural childbirth. All of them are. I knew that she would do everything in her power to help me meet my goal. This group of midwives practice through Central Baptist Hospital, which I had also heard gleaming reviews of, including the excellent food! Alisha and I talked about natural birth from the beginning. It was important to me for her to know what I really wanted up front.
Things that I appreciated about seeing a midwife over an OB-GYN:
Disclaimer: I don't know or believe that all of these things are unique to midwives. I am sure there are some OB-GYNs that also operate in this way. No offense is intended, nor do I claim to "know it all." This is simply my observations through comparing my experience to those of some friends that have chosen OB-GYNs for prenatal care.
1: Not an excessive amount of ultra-sounds.
I have seen that many OBs tend to do ultra-sounds at almost, if not every visit. There is research suggesting that ultra-sound my not be as safe as we all think it is. There is an interesting article in Midwifery Today discussing some of the research. Being a researcher myself, I am always skeptical of research. It is important to remember that and actual causal relationship has not been established. There is some correlation though in the amount of Autism in a population and the amount of ultra-sound used. I had an ultra-sound at 8 weeks at my first appointment, 20 weeks to find out gender, and then when Alisha suspected that Caedmon was breech (I'll discuss that later). At that point, there were concerns about my fluid level, so I had a couple more to monitor that. Total, I maybe had 6 ultra-sounds. The only reason I even had that many was to monitor a possible issue.
2: Face-time
My mid-wife chatted with me a lot during our visits. We would even talk about random things like Words with Friends or television shows. We built a relationship to the point where I would even consider her a friend. Building that kind of rapport and trust is completely invaluable to me and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
3: Not panicking unless there was a good reason.
So, like I said in the paragraph about ultra-sounds, we discovered that Caedmon was breech, the day before I turned 39 weeks. He had been head down all along, and flipped. Instead of scheduling a C-Section, Alisha gave me options. One of which was to attempt to turn him. An OB-GYN in the practice was able to turn him and he stayed that way. Also, when we did the ultra-sound to confirm that he was breech, we discovered that my amniotic fluid was lower than they would like. I know more than one person who was induced for that very reason. Alisha gave me time. She told me to rest and drink water, a lot of water. My fluid came up naturally. I also went post-date...by 10 days. Alisha let me put off induction as long as humanly possible and I went into labor naturally just under the deadline. All of those factors could have been a recipe for a C-Section or Induction if I had been with someone else. I was grateful for options and for the fact that I didn't have to fight for them.
Other things I did while pregnant to help toward my goal of a natural birth included researching everything related to natural childbirth. I took the natural childbirth class offered by the hospital, learned about hypnobirthing, and gathered/burrowed things like I birth ball and essential oils for relaxation from friends. I also read the most amazing book by the most amazing midwife, Ina May Gaskin. You can see it on Amazon. In it was a quote that got me through even the most frustrating times. "You are not a machine. Your body is not a lemon. The creator is not a careless mechanic." So often, women's bodies are blamed for interventions in the birthing process, but most women are built to have babies. The C-Section rate in this country is currently 1 in 3. In Ina May's practice out of 2,844 births, they have needed 50 C-Sections. That's 1.7%! Those 2,844 births also include twins and breech births. See more of their amazing statistics here. I spent my whole pregnancy with the mind-set that I was not a lemon and that I was completely and totally capable of delivering my baby naturally. That mind-set helped me to be determined and to overcome whatever hiccups I faced.
My next post (hopefully next week) will be about my actual birth. Don't worry, I won't be gross. I just want to tell it like it was. It was hard and beautiful and perfect. Also, I have a poll about the name of my blog on the the right. Please vote!
March 7, 2013
Why I Chose Natural Childbirth - Part 1: Where the Passion Came From...
Okay, so I said I was going to post once a week, and I missed last week. Such is life. Anyway, I have spent the extra time trying to decide what I want to write about. Let's be serious, my day to day life is just not that interesting. I decided to write about one of my newest passions. Over the past 2 years or so, I have become more and more passionate about natural childbirth. Don't get scared and run away! I am not a crazy, anti-medicine, hippie. I am not judging you if that is not what you chose/are choosing/will choose to do. I am not an expert. I just learned a lot of information in a relatively short amount of time that opened my eyes to things I never thought about before. So today, I wanted to share where it all started for me. What made me curious and what convinced me that it was the right choice for me.
It all started with a documentary. I took a semester off between graduating with my undergraduate degree and starting graduate school. In that time, I had more free time than I had had in a long time. After I burned through entire seasons of ridiculous shows on Netflix, I decided to give the documentary section a try. I found a documentary called "The Business of Being Born." It is still on Netflix if you have it to watch on instant stream. You can also pay a small fee to watch it here. You might also be able to find it at the library. It is worth a watch. The documentary is produced by Ricky Lake and outlines how births are happening in this country while advocating for natural/home births as an option for women. Why this appealed to me over 2 years ago, when having a baby was not on my immediate horizons, and when medical-type stuff on TV makes me cringe, I will never know, but I watched it. I loved it. Then I made my husband watch it.
Prior to watching this documentary, I was under the assumption that everyone that had babies got epidurals. Everyone I knew that had babies had gotten epidurals. I figured it was just part of it. People had been doing it for a long time, so what could the big deal be. I was educated. Every time I watch the documentary, something new sticks out to me, but I would like to share some of the first things that grabbed my attention:
1. While I was okay with the idea of an epidural, I have always been terrified of a Cesarian section. Being cut open while awake is not at the top of my list of procedures I would like to be a part of. One of the first things that caught my attention was the frighteningly high C-section rate in this country. Also, how interventions, such as epidurals increase the probability of a C-section. If all those interventions could lead to a C-section, maybe I didn't want all those interventions after all.
2. The fact that we don't know what causes many things such as Autism and ADHD, but we know that they happen less often when children are born naturally. Could something in the "modern" birth process have something to do with it?
3. Being pregnant is not an illness. If I am a healthy, young woman with a normal pregnancy, I don't really need an OB-GYN. This was big news to me. I thought at least most women got epidurals, but I was sure that all women went to OB-GYNs for prenatal care and delivery. I had no idea that midwives still existed, that they could deliver my baby, and that they would actually be all I really needed.
So, here I was, filled with information that I didn't know that I wanted to know. I was baffled and I yearned to learn more. Other than watching the documentary a couple more times, I started reading about midwives and natural birth. I started reconsidering what I would want when it was time to have my children. I was filled with the knowledge that women had been having babies long before epidurals and Pitocin and everything worked out okay most of the time or the population would be a lot less than it is now. I started realizing that I desired to bring my children into the world in the healthiest way that I could possibly do it, for me and for them. I couldn't let it go, and I didn't want to.
Again, I am not judging anyone for whom this is not the right choice. Everyone's birth is different. I just really feel lead to share my experience in this area and my passion for natural birth. Take it or leave it. Next week I am going to share about my experience after becoming pregnant. Further research and finding a midwife are next.
It all started with a documentary. I took a semester off between graduating with my undergraduate degree and starting graduate school. In that time, I had more free time than I had had in a long time. After I burned through entire seasons of ridiculous shows on Netflix, I decided to give the documentary section a try. I found a documentary called "The Business of Being Born." It is still on Netflix if you have it to watch on instant stream. You can also pay a small fee to watch it here. You might also be able to find it at the library. It is worth a watch. The documentary is produced by Ricky Lake and outlines how births are happening in this country while advocating for natural/home births as an option for women. Why this appealed to me over 2 years ago, when having a baby was not on my immediate horizons, and when medical-type stuff on TV makes me cringe, I will never know, but I watched it. I loved it. Then I made my husband watch it.
Prior to watching this documentary, I was under the assumption that everyone that had babies got epidurals. Everyone I knew that had babies had gotten epidurals. I figured it was just part of it. People had been doing it for a long time, so what could the big deal be. I was educated. Every time I watch the documentary, something new sticks out to me, but I would like to share some of the first things that grabbed my attention:
1. While I was okay with the idea of an epidural, I have always been terrified of a Cesarian section. Being cut open while awake is not at the top of my list of procedures I would like to be a part of. One of the first things that caught my attention was the frighteningly high C-section rate in this country. Also, how interventions, such as epidurals increase the probability of a C-section. If all those interventions could lead to a C-section, maybe I didn't want all those interventions after all.
2. The fact that we don't know what causes many things such as Autism and ADHD, but we know that they happen less often when children are born naturally. Could something in the "modern" birth process have something to do with it?
3. Being pregnant is not an illness. If I am a healthy, young woman with a normal pregnancy, I don't really need an OB-GYN. This was big news to me. I thought at least most women got epidurals, but I was sure that all women went to OB-GYNs for prenatal care and delivery. I had no idea that midwives still existed, that they could deliver my baby, and that they would actually be all I really needed.
So, here I was, filled with information that I didn't know that I wanted to know. I was baffled and I yearned to learn more. Other than watching the documentary a couple more times, I started reading about midwives and natural birth. I started reconsidering what I would want when it was time to have my children. I was filled with the knowledge that women had been having babies long before epidurals and Pitocin and everything worked out okay most of the time or the population would be a lot less than it is now. I started realizing that I desired to bring my children into the world in the healthiest way that I could possibly do it, for me and for them. I couldn't let it go, and I didn't want to.
Again, I am not judging anyone for whom this is not the right choice. Everyone's birth is different. I just really feel lead to share my experience in this area and my passion for natural birth. Take it or leave it. Next week I am going to share about my experience after becoming pregnant. Further research and finding a midwife are next.
February 21, 2013
Puzzles
I love puzzles! All kinds of puzzles! I love jigsaw puzzles, word puzzles, number puzzles, all puzzles. I used to get excited in math class when we got to do logic puzzles. You know, the grids where you had to figure out which of five people had which of five pets and went to which of five restaurants from a list of clues. Don't remember or have no idea what I am talking about? Check them out here. Try one, have your kids try one. You will have fun, I promise. Anyway, as I have gotten older, I have found that life is full of puzzles and some are more fun than others.
I am studying to be a school psychologist. If you don't know what a school psychologist does, we do evaluations for special education determination, provide school based psychological services, and implement interventions to improve student outcomes. We have a lot of roles, but that covers the basics. When a student is referred for evaluation, it becomes my job to solve the puzzle of why they are struggling and what we can do to help them be successful. Is the student failing all her classes because she just doesn't care or because she doesn't understand or because she can't see the board or because she doesn't speak good English? I think that is part of the reason I love school psychology. I love solving the puzzles!
There are also puzzles in parenthood. Caedmon has gone through many stages where his behavior changed in some way and we were trying to solve the puzzle as to why. For example, he was an extremely fussy and challenging eater and we discovered it was because he was eating too much. He has been screaming when we try to put him down for a nap in the evening and it seems to be because he doesn't really need that nap anymore. It is constantly a game of puzzles. Some puzzles we still haven't solved, such as why he spits up so much and why some nights he sleeps really well while others he is a hot mess. Some we will never solve. That is hard for me to handle. The reality that I won't be able to solve the puzzle. I don't like to leave a puzzle unfinished.
In both my career and my life there will be puzzles that I can not solve. It is a learning process to be able to let go and accept that fact. Some puzzles have to remain undone, or half done, or almost finished and that has to be good enough. So do a logic puzzle and remember that sometimes it is okay to not know the answer.
*UPDATE* I am down to 172lbs. That is 3lbs lost since my last post. Slow progress, but progress none the less. I look forward to continuing to reclaim my health and remain accountable.
I want to re-name my blog. The first title was just too long, I am not sure about what I changed it to now. I am going to think of some options and put up a pole next week to try to find a name that really fits my purpose and my personality.
I am studying to be a school psychologist. If you don't know what a school psychologist does, we do evaluations for special education determination, provide school based psychological services, and implement interventions to improve student outcomes. We have a lot of roles, but that covers the basics. When a student is referred for evaluation, it becomes my job to solve the puzzle of why they are struggling and what we can do to help them be successful. Is the student failing all her classes because she just doesn't care or because she doesn't understand or because she can't see the board or because she doesn't speak good English? I think that is part of the reason I love school psychology. I love solving the puzzles!
There are also puzzles in parenthood. Caedmon has gone through many stages where his behavior changed in some way and we were trying to solve the puzzle as to why. For example, he was an extremely fussy and challenging eater and we discovered it was because he was eating too much. He has been screaming when we try to put him down for a nap in the evening and it seems to be because he doesn't really need that nap anymore. It is constantly a game of puzzles. Some puzzles we still haven't solved, such as why he spits up so much and why some nights he sleeps really well while others he is a hot mess. Some we will never solve. That is hard for me to handle. The reality that I won't be able to solve the puzzle. I don't like to leave a puzzle unfinished.
In both my career and my life there will be puzzles that I can not solve. It is a learning process to be able to let go and accept that fact. Some puzzles have to remain undone, or half done, or almost finished and that has to be good enough. So do a logic puzzle and remember that sometimes it is okay to not know the answer.
*UPDATE* I am down to 172lbs. That is 3lbs lost since my last post. Slow progress, but progress none the less. I look forward to continuing to reclaim my health and remain accountable.
I want to re-name my blog. The first title was just too long, I am not sure about what I changed it to now. I am going to think of some options and put up a pole next week to try to find a name that really fits my purpose and my personality.
February 12, 2013
The Parent I Want to Be
Lately, I have been really thinking about the parent that I want to be. I have had some great role models. Women that I watch parent with love, patience, calm, and respect. That is the kind of parent I want to be and I have been thinking a lot about what that looks like.
Being in graduate school means that I have a lot to do all the time. There is literally always something I should or could be working on. The first step toward being the parent I want to be is to be present with my child for at least some time, every day. There is always something I should be doing: reading, writing, researching, laundry, report writing, protocol scoring, cleaning... the list goes on and on. I feel like everyone has a list. I am trying to, at least once a day, put away the list and be truly present with Caedmon. Right now, that is after I pick him up from daycare each day. We come home, have some oatmeal and play. I want him to be able to count on that time with me. I also try to keep my weekends as sacred, where I have no agenda; however, that isn't always possible. He needs time when he has my undivided attention, so I make sure to give that to him as much as I can.
Another way I have been working on becoming the parent I want to be is by controlling my emotions, or at least attempting to. Caedmon deserves a mom that can stay calm and be caring and compassionate rather than upset and frustrated. Even at the grand old age of almost 5 months, he can be extremely frustrating at times. When I am trying to get us out the door and he is screaming in his carseat. When it is 4am and he is awake for the umpteenth time. When he spit up all over me for the sixth time that day. When he sticks his foot in the poop and then tries to stick it in his mouth. You know, the usual. I have quickly discovered that my default reaction to frustrating circumstances is...frustration. Not surprising; however, I am working to change the default. I want to be able to stay calm with my children and that starts now. I try to remember that he is a baby and doesn't do things deliberately to annoy me. At least not yet. And even when he does, I want my response to be love, not frustration. Don't get me wrong, I think it is just fine to admit to being frustrated with our kids; however, that is not the reaction I want them to see. I don't have this one down yet, but I am working on it.
The other main way I am striving to become the parent I want to be is to have healthy habits and be healthy. I feel like healthy habits start at home and I want my children to see me as healthy and happy and to pick up on those habits. This is what I have struggled with the most. While I was pregnant, I reverted to some pretty unhealthy habits in the name of being pregnant. I have always been a soda addict, but I was doing better at curbing it, but once I was pregnant and limiting my caffeine, tea was no longer an option for a lunch or dinner beverage. I started getting caffeine free sodas when I got tired of water, which was always. I have never been much of a water drinker. Then we got a Soda Stream for Christmas so now I can make my own soda for a fraction of the cost and have it waiting for me in the refrigerator all the time. I am trying to curb the soda habit again. I am trying to have the discipline to make carbonated water and juice drinks with the Soda Stream instead of sugary soda. Portion control is another big one for me. I adopted the "I can eat as much as I want because I am pregnant" philosophy which was only reinforced by my midwife's constant praise of my perfect weight gain record. The consequence was my stomach stretching and now when I try to cut my portions back to a healthy size, I feel hungry all day. I am working to start reclaiming my health after being pregnant. I want to be back to a healthy weight and back to healthy habits, but this is going to take more work than anything else. One way to motivate myself is some accountability and transparency, so I am going to take anyone who reads this along for the ride back to health.
Before I got pregnant with Caedmon, I weighed 155lbs. I felt that I could use to lose about 10 pounds at that point, so my goal was 145lbs. At 9 months pregnant, I weighed 185lbs. I gained 30lbs over the course of my pregnancy. Immediately after delivery, I dropped to 170lbs, but then after the holidays, I was back up to 175lbs. I would like to at least get back to 155lbs, but ideally, 145lbs, which would be an ideal weight for my height and build. That is a weight loss goal of 20-30lbs. I am not going to set a time limit, I just want to lose it, so with every blog update, I will give an update on my journey toward reclaiming my health as well, that way, I am being held accountable by wanting to give a good report.
That is the parent I want to be. What kind of parent do you want to be?
Being in graduate school means that I have a lot to do all the time. There is literally always something I should or could be working on. The first step toward being the parent I want to be is to be present with my child for at least some time, every day. There is always something I should be doing: reading, writing, researching, laundry, report writing, protocol scoring, cleaning... the list goes on and on. I feel like everyone has a list. I am trying to, at least once a day, put away the list and be truly present with Caedmon. Right now, that is after I pick him up from daycare each day. We come home, have some oatmeal and play. I want him to be able to count on that time with me. I also try to keep my weekends as sacred, where I have no agenda; however, that isn't always possible. He needs time when he has my undivided attention, so I make sure to give that to him as much as I can.
Another way I have been working on becoming the parent I want to be is by controlling my emotions, or at least attempting to. Caedmon deserves a mom that can stay calm and be caring and compassionate rather than upset and frustrated. Even at the grand old age of almost 5 months, he can be extremely frustrating at times. When I am trying to get us out the door and he is screaming in his carseat. When it is 4am and he is awake for the umpteenth time. When he spit up all over me for the sixth time that day. When he sticks his foot in the poop and then tries to stick it in his mouth. You know, the usual. I have quickly discovered that my default reaction to frustrating circumstances is...frustration. Not surprising; however, I am working to change the default. I want to be able to stay calm with my children and that starts now. I try to remember that he is a baby and doesn't do things deliberately to annoy me. At least not yet. And even when he does, I want my response to be love, not frustration. Don't get me wrong, I think it is just fine to admit to being frustrated with our kids; however, that is not the reaction I want them to see. I don't have this one down yet, but I am working on it.
The other main way I am striving to become the parent I want to be is to have healthy habits and be healthy. I feel like healthy habits start at home and I want my children to see me as healthy and happy and to pick up on those habits. This is what I have struggled with the most. While I was pregnant, I reverted to some pretty unhealthy habits in the name of being pregnant. I have always been a soda addict, but I was doing better at curbing it, but once I was pregnant and limiting my caffeine, tea was no longer an option for a lunch or dinner beverage. I started getting caffeine free sodas when I got tired of water, which was always. I have never been much of a water drinker. Then we got a Soda Stream for Christmas so now I can make my own soda for a fraction of the cost and have it waiting for me in the refrigerator all the time. I am trying to curb the soda habit again. I am trying to have the discipline to make carbonated water and juice drinks with the Soda Stream instead of sugary soda. Portion control is another big one for me. I adopted the "I can eat as much as I want because I am pregnant" philosophy which was only reinforced by my midwife's constant praise of my perfect weight gain record. The consequence was my stomach stretching and now when I try to cut my portions back to a healthy size, I feel hungry all day. I am working to start reclaiming my health after being pregnant. I want to be back to a healthy weight and back to healthy habits, but this is going to take more work than anything else. One way to motivate myself is some accountability and transparency, so I am going to take anyone who reads this along for the ride back to health.
Before I got pregnant with Caedmon, I weighed 155lbs. I felt that I could use to lose about 10 pounds at that point, so my goal was 145lbs. At 9 months pregnant, I weighed 185lbs. I gained 30lbs over the course of my pregnancy. Immediately after delivery, I dropped to 170lbs, but then after the holidays, I was back up to 175lbs. I would like to at least get back to 155lbs, but ideally, 145lbs, which would be an ideal weight for my height and build. That is a weight loss goal of 20-30lbs. I am not going to set a time limit, I just want to lose it, so with every blog update, I will give an update on my journey toward reclaiming my health as well, that way, I am being held accountable by wanting to give a good report.
That is the parent I want to be. What kind of parent do you want to be?
February 6, 2013
Here goes nothing...
So, I have thought about starting a blog many times over the last year. I used to write all the time. Now I write papers, but I never write "for me" anymore. Plus, some of the coolest people I know have blogs! I am talking about you Kate at Osito, Carrie at Quite Carried Away, and my favorite baking blog Bakingdom. These Moms have inspired me to share my stories, passions, and life with the world (or at least some friend) via the internet.
As the title suggests, I am busy. I am a full time grad student working on getting my PhD in School Psychology at the University Kentuck, a wife, and a mommy to a wonderful 4.5 month old, Caedmon. When I get a moment to myself, I bake cupcakes, read, or knit. I want to share all of this with you! Knitting projects, recipes, book reviews, and general stories and life lessons I learn while trying to juggle life.
My first goal is to publish a post once a week. I think that is a good start and realistic for my life. I hope you read and enjoy, but if you don't, at least I am writing again and I think that will be good for my soul.
Here goes nothing...
As the title suggests, I am busy. I am a full time grad student working on getting my PhD in School Psychology at the University Kentuck, a wife, and a mommy to a wonderful 4.5 month old, Caedmon. When I get a moment to myself, I bake cupcakes, read, or knit. I want to share all of this with you! Knitting projects, recipes, book reviews, and general stories and life lessons I learn while trying to juggle life.
My first goal is to publish a post once a week. I think that is a good start and realistic for my life. I hope you read and enjoy, but if you don't, at least I am writing again and I think that will be good for my soul.
Here goes nothing...
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